The Objectively Worst Film Ever Made

When people talk about the worst movie ever made, there are a number of titles commonly thrown around. Plan 9 from outer space, the room, Star Wars: The Last Jedi... and Star Wars: Rise of Skywalker... and Star Wars: The Phantom Menace... and damn were any of these movies ever good?

But as bad as these movies are, there is one that is objectively worse. A movie who's very production could almost be said to be cursed. After all, its creation resulted in dozens of deaths and drove its creator to madness like some kind of Lovecraftian grimoire.

The Conqueror is a 1956 epic historical film about the life of Genghis Khan. It stars John Wayne in the title role of Temujin. Yeah that's right, John Wayne the cowboy as a Mongolian warlord. But horrible miscasting is only the tip of this iceberg. Beyond the bland dialogue and cardboard performances of the cast, the movie also had one of the most unfortunate productions of any movie ever made, and the effect it had on it's mysterious producer is a story worth telling, unlike this movie.

So let's take a look back at what I consider to be the worst film ever made. This is The Conqueror.

The movie opens with the Merkit chief Targutai crossing the lands of the Mongols to bring home his new wife. The Mongol chief Temujin confronts him and is instantly attracted to the wife, a Tatar woman named Bortai. Temujin decides to steal her, and organizes a raid against the Merkits, despite his men's warnings that the Merkit's will seek revenge.

Temujin and his men ambush the caravan, driving Targutai away and taking Bortai for his own. His mother Hunlun despises Bortai, as her father killed Temujin's father many years ago. She warns Temujin to get rid of her lest she bring woe to their people, but he refuses, as he wants to keep her for his wife.

However Bortai refuses Temujin, seeing him as a beast beneath a woman like her. She approaches Temujin's blood brother and right hand man Jamuca, offering herself to him if he will free her. He refuses to betray Temujin, but at that moment the Merkits attack the camp. In the confusion, Temujin sees Jamuca leaving Bortai's tent, sowing seeds of distrust in his mind.

Temujin manages to escape the fighting along with Bortai. Hiding together from the Merkits, they make love. When they return to the camp the next day, his mother chastises him for letting a woman bring danger to the camp. Temujin again refuses to listen, and instead decides to seek help from his old ally Wang Khan. His plan is to lie to Wang Khan and convince him that the Tartars and Merkits and conspiring against him.

He and Bortai arrive at Wang Khan's city, who welcomes him with a feast and dancing. After the celebration, Temujin lies to him about the Tartar threat. Wang Khan consults with his shaman, who declares that the spirits say Temujin is truthful. Wang Khan agrees to unite against the Tartars. However as Temujin is leaving, the shaman reveals that he lied because he wants Temujin to take over Wang Khan's kingdom.

On their return to their camp, Temujin is ambushed by the Tartars. Bortai manages to escape back to her people, leaving Temujin wounded in a cave. Jamuca find him, and pretends to defect so the Tartars will trust him enough for him to steal horses for their escape. However they follow him to Temujin's location and capture him. Temujin sees Jamuca escape, making him believe he betrayed him.

The Tartars bring Temujin back to their camp, torturing him and planning on executing him the next day. However Bortai, now realizing her love for him, helps him escape.

Returning back to his camp, Temujin accuses Jamuca of betrayal. In order to prove himself, he is sent along with Temujin's actual brother Kasar to Wang Khan's city in order to organize the attack on the Tartars.

Arriving in the city, the shaman warns Wang Khan that Temujin plans on betraying him. He orders that Jamuca and Kasar be held captive while he goes to investigate the Mongol's plan. Jamuca manages to escape their captivity, but Kasar is killed in the escape. Jamuca rides for the camp, but is captured by the Tartars.

Temujin is at the meeting spot, awaiting Wang Khan's forces. The shaman arrives, and tells him that Wang Khan has betrayed their agreement. He offers to unlock the city gates and allow Temujin to conquer the city. Temujin agrees, but is distrustful of the shaman.

The shaman allows the mongol forces through the gate, who take the city under their control. With his dying breath, Wang Khan reveals the shaman's deception. Temujin cuts him down, and claims Wang Khan's forces as his own.

Together, they march on the Tartar camp. Temujin finally gets his revenge by killing the Tartar chief, and he and Bortai are reunited. She reassures Temujin that Jamuca never betrayed him, and only feels love for his blood brother. However, Jamuca says that the seeds of distrust can never be undone, and asks that Temujin kill him and let him die with honor. Temujin reluctantly agrees.

As the movie ends, Jamuca narrates that with all his enemies defeated, Temujin assumed the title of Chingis Khan, and conquered the land with Bortai by his side.

There’s so much wrong with this film, I don't even know where to begin. The elephant in the room is of course the casting. While I'll give the film leeway as casting white actors in nonwhite roles wasn't as controversial then as it is today, even with that in mind Wayne is horribly out of place as the great Mongol chief.

Now John Wayne is a good, if not slightly limited actor. He shines in a certain role: the gruff cowboy, the Stearn gunslinger. And while the role of the brutish conqueror might seem like something that suits him, he sounds ridiculous delivering lines like this.

I'm not saying the blame is entirely on him. The entire cast gives a cardboard performance, and much of it has to do with the dialogue. These lines are trying to sound vaguely 13th century, but when combined with the cowboy accent it just comes off as awkward.

The only actor who comes close to a good performance is Agnes Moorehead, who plays Temujin’s mother Hunlun. She's not on camera for long, but she was clearly having fun with the role.

The story is also atrocious for many reasons. For starters, it isn't even close to historically accurate. The real story of Temujin's life, or at least the one we know from the Secret History of the Mongols, is so interesting it could be a movie on it's own. And it's clear the writers at least had some idea of the history as they get the names mostly right. But they change so many details for no reason.

In real life, Jamuca was blood brother to Temujin, but he wasn't the doddering manservant he's portrayed as in the movie. In actuality he was Temujin's superior by birth, and in time they developed a rivalry that ended in war. It's honestly an epic story of brothers turning into enemies, and it would make for a damn good film.

But instead Jamuca is devoted to serving Temujin for seemingly no reason. I mean he says there is something about Temujin that makes men want to follow him, but we never actually see it. In fact, it's just the opposite in the movie.

The movie portrays Temujin as a complete jackass. He endangers his tribe by recklessly attacking the Merkets to steal some woman for himself, then has the gall to accuse his men of failure in stopping the counter attack. He complains that he is beset by traitors when he lied to his benefactor Wang Khan and tried to trick him into going to war for his own benefit. This is all in complete disregard of the real Temujin who dedicated himself to protecting his people. Why the hell would anyone want to follow this tool?

I'd almost say the movie is trying to criticize Temujin and show that he was a terrible person, if it wasn't for the fact that they show Bortai falling in love with him. From her reaction, we get the sense that there is something to love and admire in Temujin. But her sudden feelings for Temujin come out of nowhere, and are a complete contradiction to how he has treated her throughout the film.

What exactly is she supposed to love about this guy? The way he hits her? I mean I know this was the 50’s and women were expected to just swoon when a big tough guy grabs them, but even as a so called conqueror Temujin is lacking. The first time they make love, it’s after Temujin runs away from the enemy, something she mocked her first husband for. He’s constantly falling into traps and is completely out of touch with the situation around him. It makes her sudden love for him contradict her character and make no sense.

And speaking of making no sense, what the hell is up with that ending? Jamuca has been a loyal servant of Temujin the entire movie, and even though Bortai confirms that he has never even thought about betraying Temujin, for some reason he has to die? His reasoning that doubt would creep into Temujin’s thoughts makes no sense as there is no one left for him to betray Temujin to even if he wanted to. I think the writers were hoping his death would give the ending a sense of saddness, like Temujin’s victory came at the cost of a friend. But the problem is we aren’t invested into this conflict because the character is flat and boring. Instead the scene just serves to confuse the audience and slow the climax down for no reason.

Now all of that would be enough to call any movie terrible. But the problems this film has go beyond just what is on the screen. The film also had one of the most unfortunate productions of any movie ever, and the decision to film there would result in an untold number of deaths.

The film was primarily shot near St. George, Utah, which is downwind of the United States nuclear test site in Nevada. In fact only 3 years earlier, 11 nuclear weapons had been tested in the area, which allowed radioactive fallout to be dispersed and carried downwind to the filming site.

Of the 220 members of the crew, 91 developed cancer and at least 46 died from it. This included Wayne himself, who developed lung and stomach cancer, eventually dying from the ladder. Pedro Armendáriz would end up committing suicide after a terminal diagnosis of cancer in 1963, and Agnes Moorehead, Susan Hayword, and director Dick Powell would all die from cancer as well. Even Wayne’s sons Michael and Patrick who only visited the set developed cancer, and the true number of cases is suspected to be even higher than what was reported.

The decision to film in St. George was made by the film’s producer, the legendary business magnate Howard Hughes. Hughes is an interesting figure, having been both a record setting pilot and one of the most successful entrepreneurs of all time. He wielded great political and business power, and came to be an influential member of Hollywood. He financed many films including the original 1931 Scarface, and later came to control RKO studios, which gave us King Kong and Citizen Kane.

Hughes was known to be an eccentric even in his early days, and suffered from OCD. However later in his life his eccentricity turned into madness. He became a recluse, not taking care of himself and rarely being seen in public. While the cause of his decline is impossible to pinpoint, many think that the guilt he felt over The Conqueror was part of it. He spent $12 million dollars buying every copy of the film so no one could see it, and watched it on repeat over and over again in his personal theater. He often sat in his chair naked, watching the film for weeks on end, not bathing or cutting his hair or nails. When he finally died in 1976, he was so unrecognizable the FBI had to use fingerprints to confirm it was him.

To be fair to Hughes, he didn’t know the area was dangerous. When he went to the Atomic Energy Commission, they told him it was perfectly safe, which is also what they told the residents of St. George. However higher rates of cancer in the area were reported all the way until the 1980’, and Congress would later set up a fund to compensate the victims of the nuclear fallout.

When the film debuted, it was a box office bomb, no pun intended. It was met with negative reception, mostly around the casting and nonsensical story. Wayne would later receive the Golden Turkey Award for his performance, and the film would be included in the Fifty Worst Films of All Time.

Unlike some of the other films on this list like Plan 9, there’s nothing even funny bad here. Nothing that would bring the film into the so bad it’s good category. It’s a tragic story, both for the characters in the film, the people who made it, and the people who had to watch it. But next time you see a crappy movie and think to yourself this is the worst thing ever, just remember it can get so much worse.